Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
More Quotes by George Carlin
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless.
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