The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.
Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far.
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
My friend, remember that without stupidity there wouldn't be intelligence, and without ugliness there wouldn't be beauty, so the world needs you after all.
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing?
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let's just make patterns in their crops and leave.
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.
Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy.
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
A UFO!? Quick, grab the worst camera we own.
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
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