Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Louis Hector Berlioz
Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything.
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness.
Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they'll start using it.
For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
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