What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
More Quotes by Woody Allen
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.
Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it.
It's not that I want more shoes, it's just that they keep making them in my size.
Shopping is the only exercise I need.
When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.
Me: I am so glad I saved all this money. Me again: It's time to spend it, you know you want to.
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
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