Woody Allen Quote
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear. Dave Barry
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' Anonymous
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark? Anonymous
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? Anonymous
I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.
You can't have everything... where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but in my head I'm quite busy. Anonymous
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. Erma Bombeck
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with ONLY a loaf of bread are three billion to one. Erma Bombeck
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.' Anonymous
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion. Anonymous
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket. Anonymous
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. Anonymous