Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I
start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill.
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Louis Hector Berlioz
Sometimes you succeed.... and other times you learn.
Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
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