Funny Witty Quotes

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I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. - Anonymous

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. Anonymous

Sayings Work Quotes

Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' - Anonymous

Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' Anonymous

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Alexander Wright

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. - Anonymous

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. Anonymous

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. - Anonymous

When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. Anonymous

Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes Statements

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion.

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. - Anonymous

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. Anonymous

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! - Anonymous

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly! Anonymous

Prescribed laughter

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

People Quotes Stupid Quotes

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. - Anonymous

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. - Anonymous

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. Anonymous

Top 100 World Quotes

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. Anonymous

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. Anonymous

Internet Top 100

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. - Anonymous

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. Anonymous

In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor." - Anonymous

In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor." Anonymous

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. - Anonymous

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Alexander Wright

Short Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes

Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Sayings Short Quotes

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. - Anonymous

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. Anonymous

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel! - Anonymous

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel! Anonymous

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. - Anonymous

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. Anonymous

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