Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon.
I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.
There are so many times I made you angry, upset, irritated and tired. Today I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of continuing.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel!
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?
Whenever I'm sad, you're there. Whenever I have problems, you're there. Whenever I lose control, you're there. Let's face it, you are bad luck.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway!
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight.
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.
I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!'
I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...
Instead of LOL why don't you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.
