Funny Witty Quotes

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It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Alexander Wright

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. Anonymous

Life Quotes People Quotes Top 100

Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' - Anonymous

Pool rules: You're not allowed to do anything that begins with the words 'Hey everyone watch this!' Anonymous

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Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt. - Anonymous

Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt. Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. - Anonymous

Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

I can resist everything except temptation.

Oscar Wilde

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. Anonymous

My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty. - Anonymous

My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Alexander Wright

Short Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes

I love sarcasm. It's like punching people in the face, but with words. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous

Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. Anonymous

Internet Top 100

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. - Anonymous

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. Anonymous

Sayings Work Quotes

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. - Anonymous

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100

Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Sayings Short Quotes

Prescribed laughter

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

People Quotes Stupid Quotes

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I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. - Anonymous

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Short Quotes Statements

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion.

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Happy Quotes Life Quotes

In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor." - Anonymous

In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor." Anonymous

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. - Anonymous

I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out. Anonymous

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. - Anonymous

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. Anonymous

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. - Anonymous

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. Anonymous

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. - Anonymous

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. Anonymous

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel! - Anonymous

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel! Anonymous

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