Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.
Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything.
When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
What are the two magic words that you can always use to make a shark happy? "Man Overboard!"
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