What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
But doctor, where is the umbilical cord? New technology, it's wireless. Anonymous
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill. Anonymous
What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus. Anonymous
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. Anonymous
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. Charles M. Schulz
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Anonymous
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. Erma Bombeck
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat. Anonymous