Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Anonymous
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Anonymous
Animals People Quotes Short Quotes
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.
Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. - Anonymous
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Anonymous
Happy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes
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When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window.
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window. Anonymous
Sayings Top 100
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. Anonymous
Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"? Anonymous
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal. - Anonymous
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Work Quotes
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day. - Anonymous
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Life Quotes
Asleep first
Those who snore always fall asleep first. Anonymous
People Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. - Anonymous
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think.
I'm trying to think how I can think of what I want to think. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Think Quotes
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Life Quotes
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep. - Anonymous
When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep. Anonymous
Sleep Quotes Statements Work Quotes
I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today. - Anonymous
I'm retired. I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today. Anonymous
Short Quotes Work Quotes
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.
He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Statements

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