Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
More Quotes by Drew Carey
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.
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