Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Anonymous
Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think "Wow, my house looks awesome!" Anonymous
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met. Anonymous
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. Sam Levenson
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar. Anonymous
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. Anonymous
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. Anonymous
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen