My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're right.
"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?
Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.
If you eat in the kitchen, your room is always clean, and you go to sleep at 9 o'clock, it means you don't have Internet!!
If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.
When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half eaten sandwich.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
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