My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths. Steven Alexander Wright
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. Dave Barry
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria. Anonymous
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. Anonymous
For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog. Anonymous
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. Anonymous
Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house. Anonymous