I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Jack Handey
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
June Henderson
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Fred Allen
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.
