Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Anonymous
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. Anonymous
When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way! Anonymous
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face! Anonymous
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous
All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave. Anonymous
It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. Anonymous
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day. Anonymous
Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Anonymous
Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. Anonymous
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. Anonymous
I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Anonymous
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. Anonymous
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. Anonymous