Latest quotes in the order they were added.
Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.
I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.
Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.
If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.
I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.
My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.
I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.
Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
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