Latest Funny Quotes

I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Anonymous

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity, mom.

Anonymous

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don't answer because I'm eating.

Anonymous

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I'm like... I went to the grocery store.

Anonymous

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.

Anonymous

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.

Anonymous

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.

Anonymous

There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Anonymous

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Anonymous

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right.

Anonymous

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Anonymous

Be happy, it drives people crazy.

Anonymous

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Anonymous

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang.

Anonymous

No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.

Anonymous

Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things.

Anonymous