Latest Funny Quotes

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Anonymous

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Anonymous

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.

Anonymous

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.

Anonymous

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.

Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Anonymous

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Anonymous

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.

Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Anonymous

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Anonymous

How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.

Anonymous

Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.

Anonymous

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Anonymous

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Anonymous

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem?

Anonymous

Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

Anonymous

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Anonymous