Latest Funny Quotes

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

I told my boss three companies were looking after me and I needed a raise. He asked who they were, so told him the gas, electric and cable company.

I'm trying to be awesome today, but I'm too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can't fall asleep.

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it's time to fall asleep.

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like "just kidding."

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it's a shame they'll never meet.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I'm single because I'm a superhero.

That moment when you finish watching a T.V series and you don't know what to do with your life any more.

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on T.V.

On February 2nd the palm tree checked, and it saw its shadow... six more weeks of sunshine.

Trees.. they're all bark and no bite.