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I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.
In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency notify:"I put "Doctor."
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremedous boredom."
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it.
Be warned: I'm bored. This could get dangerous.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.
No, no, I'm listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.
This whole working for a living thing goes on for how long?
And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.
Start each day with a positive thought, like: "I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours."
Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.
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