Latest quotes in the order they were added.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.
Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let's be positive here.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys.
I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough.
Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.
If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.
What's your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.
The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes.
All my bills say "Outstanding." I guess I am good to go.
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.
The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur.
I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.
Me: I am so glad I saved all this money. Me again: It's time to spend it, you know you want to.
That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don't know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.
I think it's clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.
I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do.
