Latest Funny Quotes

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.

Anonymous

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.

Anonymous

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale's mating call.

Anonymous

There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Anonymous

I followed a diet but it didn't follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Anonymous

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right.

Anonymous

When someone yells stop I don't know whether it's in the name of love, it's Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Anonymous

Be happy, it drives people crazy.

Anonymous

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

Anonymous

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang.

Anonymous

No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.

Anonymous

Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things.

Anonymous

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?

Anonymous

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Anonymous

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Anonymous

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you.

Anonymous