Latest Funny Quotes

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Latest quotes in the order they were added.

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve. Anonymous

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I'm hungry again. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same! Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

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Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Mark Twain

One big difference between men and women is that if a woman says "Smell this," it usually smells nice. Anonymous

Life Quotes Man Quotes

The main function of the little toe on your foot is to make sure that all the objects and furniture in the house are in the correct place. Anonymous

I often wonder who Pete is, and why we do things for his sake. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

Dear mathematicians: Stop asking us to find your x. She has a new boyfriend. Anonymous

Math Quotes Short Quotes

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

If zombies ever attack, just go to Costco. They have strong walls, years of food supplies, and Zombies can't get in because they don't have a membership card. Anonymous

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes

I named my dog "5 Miles," so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

You know you're mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs. Anonymous

When I take a shower I'm: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions. Anonymous

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

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There's a fine line between saying too much and saying too little. I walk that line like a drunk down at the circus. - Anonymous

There's a fine line between saying too much and saying too little. I walk that line like a drunk down at the circus. Anonymous

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy. Anonymous

Cat Quotes Dog Quotes

It's always fun listening to someone's lie when you already know the truth. Anonymous

I couldn't work today because I had an eye problem.. I simply couldn't see myself working today. Anonymous

If you like water then you already like 70% of me. Anonymous

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters. - Anonymous

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport. Anonymous

When things get hot, they expand, so I'm just getting warmer, not gaining weight. Anonymous

Life always has it's ups and downs. I like to up the music, down the drinks, and then relax and enjoy. Anonymous

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