Latest Funny Quotes

I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true.

Anonymous

You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it.

Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm waiting for inspiration to hit me... should be here any time now.

Anonymous

I don't know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Anonymous

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

Anonymous

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Anonymous

It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick.

Anonymous

Me: "I need help around here!" Then me again "No, not like that, here I'll do it."

Anonymous

A true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked.

Anonymous

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

Anonymous

I only want one thing from fake people: distance.

Anonymous

Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on.

Anonymous

Me and my best friend can communicate with just facial expressions.

Anonymous

I don't understand how I can remember every word of a song from 1984, but I can't remember why I walked into the kitchen.

Anonymous

I don't jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Anonymous

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Anonymous