Latest Funny Quotes

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Anonymous

Dear phone, if you didn't light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn't have died so quickly!

Anonymous

I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.

Anonymous

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it?

Anonymous

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic.

Anonymous

I keep pressing the space bar, but I'm still on Earth.

Anonymous

I could be a morning person.. if morning was sometime around noon.

Anonymous

I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. Worst transformer ever.

Anonymous

You never realize what you have until it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Anonymous

Dear auto-correct, that's not what I was trying to say. I'm getting tired of your shirt.

Anonymous

Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once upon a time I was hungry, and that's what happened to all your chocolate.

Anonymous

When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.

Anonymous

Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.

Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.

Anonymous

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.

Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it.

Anonymous

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.

Anonymous

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Anonymous