Latest Funny Quotes

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Latest quotes in the order they were added.

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It's dead yarn now though. Anonymous

I'm so tired of saying "Oh darn, forgot to put on my mask." Like I'm Batman or something. Anonymous

Does anyone else rip off their mask after walking out of a store, like they just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey's Anatomy? Anonymous

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic. Anonymous

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape. Anonymous

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom. Anonymous

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference. Anonymous

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I'll let you do my job. Anonymous

Today I told my daughter she's giving me a headache! She told me "For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer." Anonymous

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them... They're just looking for their brain. Anonymous

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday! Anonymous

I'm so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over. Anonymous

I think my soulmate might be carbs. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

My brain says "Let's do something exciting today" but my body says "Don't listen to that fool." Anonymous

Got up this morning and ran around the block five times. Then I got tired, so I put the block back in the toy box. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think "Wow, my house looks awesome!" - Anonymous

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think "Wow, my house looks awesome!" Anonymous

You come from dust and you'll return to dust, so that's why I never dust. It could be someone I know. Anonymous

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck. Anonymous

If someone is laughing, then laugh with them. If someone is singing, then sing them. If someone is working, let them work... you don't want to ruin their concentration. Anonymous

I'm staying up past midnight this New Year's eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over. Anonymous

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro. Anonymous

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing? - Anonymous

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing? Anonymous

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can't make coffee without water. Anonymous

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

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