Latest quotes in the order they were added.
I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.
I don't understand, but I also don't care... so it works out.
Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.
They say the best things take time. That's why I'm always late.
I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.
I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.
I know some people don't like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.
I don't understand people who say "I don't know how to thank you." Like they never heard of money.
Your secrets are safe with me... I wasn't even listening.
Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it.
Don't blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.
Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary.
Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
I used to think I was indecisive, but I'm not too sure any more.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.
That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.
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