Latest quotes in the order they were added.
I love all mythical creatures... vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.
I don't want to adult today, I just want to dog. I'll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.
I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me.
I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.
When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present."
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.
My four moods: I'm too old for doing that. I'm too tired for doing that. I'm too sober for doing that. I don't have time for doing that.
Listen, before I had my coffee I didn't know how awesome I was going to be today either.
Smile like a monkey with a new banana.
A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.
I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...
People say "go big or go home" like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I'll have a nap when I get there.
Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.
Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.
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