Latest Funny Quotes

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Latest quotes in the order they were added.

Happy New Year! Here's to another year of binge eating, Facebook surfing, and Netflix marathons. Anonymous

My new year's resolution was to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me - nobody likes a quitter. - Anonymous

My new year's resolution was to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me - nobody likes a quitter. Anonymous

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn? - Anonymous

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where is the pop corn? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

Do you ever feel like your body's "check engine" light is on but you're like "nah, I'll be fine"? Anonymous

I'm tired of adding 'LOL' to the end of my texts for sensitive people. I said what I said, deal with it. Anonymous

Going in a teen's room is like going to Ikea. You pop in to take a look and come out with 4 bowls, 6 cups, a set of plates, and some cutlery. Anonymous

Each year in the USA, 16 people are attacked by sharks and 6000 by goats . We don't need shark week, we need goat week. - Anonymous

Each year in the USA, 16 people are attacked by sharks and 6000 by goats . We don't need shark week, we need goat week. Anonymous

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life. Anonymous

I can't finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find. Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. - Anonymous

Whoever said "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in their bedroom. Anonymous

This too shall pass... It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It's like the other vegetables aren't even trying. Anonymous

I love all mythical creatures... vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen. Anonymous

I don't want to adult today, I just want to dog. I'll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks. Anonymous

Dog Quotes Life Quotes

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won't let me. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it. - Anonymous

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it. Anonymous

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why we call it the "present." Anonymous

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

My four moods: I'm too old for doing that. I'm too tired for doing that. I'm too sober for doing that. I don't have time for doing that. Anonymous

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn't know how awesome I was going to be today either. Anonymous

Smile like a monkey with a new banana. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes

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