Latest Funny Quotes

I hate math... but I love counting money.

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

How was the word "Wife" invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Next time I lose my mind I swear I'm not even going to look for it any more.

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Don't rush me, I'm still deciding whether I'll be productive or not today!

Dear Stomach, you're bored, not hungry. So shut up.

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

When I get to work, I always hide first... because a good worker is always hard to find.

I don't know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

Chocolate is the best investment, you buy a 7oz bar and you gain 2lbs.

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.