Latest Funny Quotes

When someone asks where you see yourself in 5 years... Buddy, I'm just trying to make it to Friday.

Anonymous

Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You're glitter glue.

Anonymous

Lead me not into temptation... Oh who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.

Anonymous

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit any more.

Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it.

Anonymous

Finally it's Friday and I can go out. I'm putting the garbage out and I'll be right back.

Anonymous

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Anonymous

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Anonymous

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Anonymous

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.

Anonymous

If I had just one hour left to live, I'd spend it in Math class... it never ends.

Anonymous

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.

Anonymous

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

Anonymous

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Anonymous

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.

Anonymous

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Anonymous

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Anonymous

How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.

Anonymous