Latest Funny Quotes

I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.

Anonymous

Tell me what is your dream job? In my dreams I don't work.

Anonymous

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Anonymous

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Anonymous

Legend says that when you can't sleep, it's because you're awake in someone's dream. So if everyone could stop dreaming about me, that would be great.

Anonymous

My bed wasn't feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Anonymous

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold.

Anonymous

Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.

Anonymous

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Anonymous

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Anonymous

What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats.

Anonymous

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

Anonymous

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Anonymous

I remember years ago when all I wanted to do is be older. I was wrong!!

Anonymous

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Anonymous

That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Anonymous