Anonymous Quote

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

Ronnie Shakes

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Steven Alexander Wright

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Steven Alexander Wright

Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway!

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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

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The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

Anonymous

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Anonymous

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight.

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When I stare at the sky, I see you. When I stare out into the ocean, I see you. When I'm looking at the moon, I see you. Geez! Would you move aside, you're constantly getting in my way!

Anonymous

Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

Anonymous

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

Anonymous

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

Anonymous

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Anonymous

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.

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My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

Anonymous

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.

Anonymous

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Anonymous

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

Anonymous