The difference between running and walking is a lot more apparent when you have to go to the bathroom.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners.
I once finished first on my running team, then the coach asked me where everyone else is.
What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet.
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