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Listen, before I had my coffee I didn't know how awesome I was going to be today either.

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Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee. - Anonymous

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Anonymous

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson

Simpsons
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? - Edgar Bergen

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Edgar Bergen

Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. - Anonymous

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Anonymous
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!! - Anonymous

When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!

Anonymous
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

Dave Barry

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. - John Gotti

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John Gotti
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

Anonymous
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Actual meanings of various terms.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.

Anonymous
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job. - Anonymous

Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.

Anonymous
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

Anonymous
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.

Anonymous
I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it. - Anonymous

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it.

Anonymous
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

Anonymous
If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday! - Anonymous

If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!

Anonymous
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

Anonymous

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