Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: "Act normal, you are innocent." Anonymous

Target cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? Me: First of all, I wasn't looking for ANY of this. Anonymous

I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different than before. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

The book of records wanted to give me the record for the biggest liar, but I lied that I moved out of the country. Anonymous

Statements

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night. Anonymous

Short Quotes

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year's? Now we're old and cursing because we're staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed. Anonymous

Sleep Quotes

It's not that I want more shoes, it's just that they keep making them in my size. Anonymous

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation. Anonymous

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Hardest thing ever: Controlling your laughter at serious times. Anonymous

Short Quotes

I don't know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours. Anonymous

Love Quotes

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them... They're just looking for their brain. Anonymous

I'm so lazy that I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. Anonymous

Dog Quotes Eat Quotes

I'm so tired of saying "Oh darn, forgot to put on my mask." Like I'm Batman or something. Anonymous

Anonymous Funny Quotes

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