If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Ronnie Shakes
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
A joke is a very serious thing.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.
Kevin Garnett
You never run out of things that can go wrong.
Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
David Letterman
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.
Everyone wants your happiness. Don't let them take it!!
How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.
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