Dave Barry Quote

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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

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Pilot rules

Beginner pilot rules:

1. The propeller is just a big fan made to cool down the pilot in the cockpit. When it stops, you can see the pilot start sweating excessively.
2. You don't have to take off, but landing is mandatory.
3. Pushing forward on the flight stick makes the earth look bigger, pulling makes it look smaller.
If you pull too much or too long however, it will look bigger yet again.
4. Flying is safe as long as you don't crash.
5. It's better to wish you were flying than to wish you were on the ground.
6. A good landing is a landing in which everyone walks away.
7. Besides affecting apples, gravity also affects planes.

Anonymous
Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. - Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

Anonymous
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Anonymous
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted! - Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Anonymous

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Douglas Adams
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. - Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Woody Allen
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George W. Bush

I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.

George W. Bush

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Henny Youngman
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... - Steven Alexander Wright

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

Steven Alexander Wright

It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.

Anonymous
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people. - Anonymous

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Anonymous

Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.

Anonymous
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

Anonymous
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Anonymous
It's so simple to be wise.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Sam Levenson

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com
The last thing that blew my mind was the wind. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

Sigmund Freud

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