Anonymous Quote

My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live.

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there.

Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.