You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold.
I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending. Anonymous
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. Anonymous
Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Anonymous
Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. Anonymous
Cleaning the house while your kids are still home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. Anonymous
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline. Anonymous
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap. Anonymous
Me: What a terrible day. Mom: Be more positive! Me: What a beautiful terrible day. Anonymous
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM! Anonymous
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. Charles M. Schulz
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Anonymous
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
Never run away when you see a bear, unless you know you can beat some of the other runners. CoolFunnyQuotes.com