Me: "I need help around here!" Then me again "No, not like that, here I'll do it." Anonymous
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today. Anonymous
I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits." Anonymous
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off. Anonymous
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. Anonymous
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark? Anonymous
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? Anonymous
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red! CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.." CoolFunnyQuotes.com
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?' Anonymous
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths. Steven Alexander Wright
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump. Anonymous