Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car.
That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you're not home.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.
That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments.
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.
You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.
Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.
Studying top moment: to exercise your memory and start sweating.
