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I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

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One day my wife's credit card got stolen.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

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Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

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Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

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Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

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Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

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There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'

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The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

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The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.

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The hardest thing to find in life is happiness.

The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.

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God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.

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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

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I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.

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When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

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Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

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When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

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