After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.
You wanna know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George W. Bush
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.
Love is like playing bridge, if you don't have a good partner, it's good to at least have a good hand.
Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
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