What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Your bank account can be overdrawn, but it can never be overfilled.
Dear Santa, this year I'd like a fat bank account, and a thin body... please don't confuse the two like you did last time.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.
I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!
A girl called me once and said "come over, nobody is home!" I went there and she was right, nobody was home!
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2020