Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing.
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Would you believe my neighbor was knocking on my door at 2:30AM this morning? Luckily, I was still up playing bagpipes.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.
My taste in music ranges from "You've gotta listen to this" to "I know, please don't judge me."
Don't vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn't even on.
I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting... It's like, woah, I'm not the same person I was last night.
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughters school concert.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
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