Happy New Year! Here's to another year of binge eating, Facebook surfing, and Netflix marathons.
For 2019 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year!
My new year's resolution was to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me - nobody likes a quitter.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
If I don't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must've kidnapped me!
I'm going to open a new Facebook account named 'Anonymous' so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!
For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.
Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status.
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
I made my Facebook name "Benefits," so when you add me now it says "you're friends with benefits."
Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.
I'm gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I'll say I ordered this last year.
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