Latest Funny Quotes

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it. Anonymous

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster so now we have to sit here until the store closes. Anonymous

I lost my car chapstick and now my purse chapstick is in my room, and my room chapstick is in my car, and my whole life is just messed up. Anonymous

Auto-correct is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things. Anonymous

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Alan Dundes

Stupid Quotes

They say we learn from our mistakes, that's why I'm making as many as possible. Soon I'll be a genius. Anonymous

I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn. It's dead yarn now though. Anonymous

Life Quotes

I'm so tired of saying "Oh darn, forgot to put on my mask." Like I'm Batman or something. Anonymous

Life Quotes

Does anyone else rip off their mask after walking out of a store, like they just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey's Anatomy? Anonymous

Questions

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic. Anonymous

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape. Anonymous

Life Quotes

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom. Anonymous

Wife Quotes

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference. Anonymous

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I'll let you do my job. Anonymous

Work Quotes

Today I told my daughter she's giving me a headache! She told me "For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer." Anonymous

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