When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!

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I love my job only when I'm on vacation

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If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

John Gotti

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Anonymous

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Groucho Marx

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Groucho Marx

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

Dave Barry

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright

Some people go to the office in a Hyundai, some in a Ferrari, my office *is* a Boeing 747.

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Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?

George Carlin

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

Anonymous

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Woody Allen

The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

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