Top 100 Funny Quotes
Only the best of the best quotes make it here, and it's up to our visitors to decide which make it and which do not. This list is automatically sorted based on your votes, so please vote if you think a quote sucks or rocks!
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
Anonymous
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep.
Anonymous
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.
Anonymous
I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
Anonymous
Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.
Anonymous
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'
Anonymous
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
Anonymous
Displayed 1-15 of 400 quotes.