Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.
Don't make me laugh, I'm trying to be mad at you.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
The only sure way to make a computer go faster is to throw it out the window.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.
Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?
Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
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