My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.
Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?
Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.
My windows aren't dirty, my dog is painting.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
Charles M. Schulz
Of course I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
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