Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.
According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway!
Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!
Don't press your luck, you might pop it.
When I saw the monkeys at the zoo it reminded me of watching political debates on TV.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
Don't believe everything fortune cookies tells you. Just because they're sweet doesn't mean they're right.
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day.
When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of not flying.
Being angry is not necessarily bad, some the best things were invented by angry people. Lamborghini didn't produce a single car until Enzo Ferrari made him angry.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019