Original new funny quotes written by our very own writers at CoolFunnyQuotes.com.
Google earth view gives you the amazing chance to see amazing places all over the world, from the comfort of your own home. With this amazing privilege, what do most people look at? Their own house, their friends houses, and mostly places they have already been to!
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it.
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.."
Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.
I don't care when people honk at me, but when geese do, I get out of the way!
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.
My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.
I called tech support and told them my computer is frozen. They said to hold the power button, and I was like 'Ummm.. it's covered with ice man."
I put my phone in airplane mode, but it's not flying!
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
One small decision can change your life! That's why I always let someone else make my decisions, that way if something goes wrong I have somebody to blame other than myself.
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
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